I am sick and tired of people telling me I ought to have sex. What happened to the "live and let live" that they otherwise seem to herald? If they have the right to make their own choices, I should have the right to make mine--without commentary from the peanut gallery. I don't repeatedly tell them that they shouldn't have sex!
I am sick and tired of people telling me that I need to have sex to fully experience life (which is why I am so annoyed with that movie, "Becoming Jane." Jane Austen has to have had an illicit love affair in order to be a great writer? What an insult to her talent!). If a person must experience "all that life has to offer" in order to live fully, then is any missed opportunity to be considered a less than full life? What if I never get to [insert experience here]? That's life. Is sex suddenly in the same category along with air, food, and water? Or does having sexual intercourse suddenly make me a better person? While it is obvious that the human race needs sex to continue, the human individual does not need sex to survive (despite what some "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" husbands might claim).
While the power of human sexuality is inarguable, it doesn't mean that celibacy is impossible. People who argue that those who save sex for marriage often get married just to have sex, are having sex just to have sex--so who is better off? Is it better to "try out" sexual partners without the pressure of marriage (and risk disease and unwanted pregnancy) or to marry someone (with the desire to have sex looming large) that might not be your perfect match? People have sex before marriage, get married, and still get divorced; who is to say that waiting until marriage is worse? I can hear it now: At least they had fun along the way...
I am sick and tired of people telling me that I am repressed. How do they know what I am? Can they read my mind? Just because I exercise self-control in this area does not mean that I have some unhealthy storm growing inside of me. I might have the urge to hit someone, curse, or overeat, but the fact that I choose not to does not mean that I am frustrated (v. [made] worthless or of no avail; defeat[ed]; nullif[ied]). Do I wish I could have sex? Sure. Do I want to apart from a committed relationship? No. Why not, you might ask? Because sex is intimate. Because my soul is connected to my body, and giving my body to another person in that way--for me--is tantamount to letting someone open my skull and touch my brain. Not only could such a thing be very painful if done without loving care, but it could potentially invite infection. ;p
I have chosen not to have sex until I am married. Some might say that marriage is a human construct, but the reality is, that it is an "institution" that most people recognize to represent a committed relationship. Can you have a committed relationship without "a piece of paper"? Sure. But I would ask, "Why do you need to have a committed relationship without marriage? Is it because you do not really want to commit?"
Can a monogamous relationship include loving sex? Of course. But if I have no guarantee that the relationship is going to last, the sex (with or without intercourse) would have reservations. I have told guys that I have dated--and I have loved--"I just want you to know, [that I could have sex with you, and] you could have me, but you wouldn't really have me." Why? Because I would always hold something back.
Of course there are no guarantees. We live in a fallen world. I could get married to a wonderful man in a glorious ceremony and something could happen beyond my control. He could die. He could cheat. He could decide he doesn't want to be married anymore. All these things certainly make sex uncertain no matter how you slice it. But that doesn't make me want to share my soul with just anyone; it makes me want to protect it all the more.
And I will.
Cari, I love the analogy of someone opening up your skull. :)
ReplyDeleteUltimately, I find for myself that I can rest in saying, "This is what God says in His Word. And I believe Him." That would be just as true for anything as it is for a sexual relationship. There is plenty to point to in the Bible in response to why you've made that choice. If God says marriage is a picture of Christ (the groom) and His Church (the bride), what do we say about Christ and His Church if we have sex outside of the marriage covenant? Are we giving a true picture to the watching world of that relationship? Can a Christian man indulge in a one-flesh union with a Christian woman outside of the bonds of marriage and think it is honoring to the Lord? Absolutely not! Christ is not a fornicator. He loves His chosen bride, and He will be faithful only to her. We should strive as Christians to paint a correct picture of Christ to the world in our actions as much as we are able.
Bravo! Well put.
ReplyDeleteI agree we don't need to focus so much on the 'risks' of sex outside of marriage. The value of preserving this intimate part of yourself for a single human being is so worth it just on its own.
Oh, and needing to have experience "X" to be fully human/fully alive? uhhh... Being swept away by music? yes. Experiencing deep spiritual moments? yes. Serving others til it hurts? yes. Having sex? no. I assure you, you are already 100% fully human and fully alive without it. It's fun, it feels great, it's wonderful to grow older and gain confidence in yourself as you figure it out, but it does not change your whole perspective on everything. Now, having sex with someone who is 100% committed to you forever, just spent six months patiently helping you plan a wonderful wedding day with all of your family and friends there to celebrate that you found each other, and not having to compare him to the previous dozen people you've slept with? Ok, that's one experience that might make you more fully alive...!